For our support crew

2 min read

Kia ora and Talofa, this page is for the support crew who knows a bro affected by sexual abuse. Your role as a support person is vital. It's not easy but you do play an important part. Have a look at this page and see the top 4 questions that support people have asked us to answer. You can also watch our video channel and get some skills on how to deal with this topic. Have a question? No problem please contact us.

Man with phone

picture of support person holding a phone

Two men sitting down

Two men sitting down looking at each other in a supportive way.

Two mates gaming

Two mates are sitting down playing games on the television

Man with phone

picture of support person holding a phone

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Supporting a bro can change his life. It's not easy but it does make a difference

TOP 4 QUESTIONS

Q1 - My bro has told me that he has been sexually abused; what do I do?

We asked the bros what they wanted from their support crew, this is what they told us.

Respect what they are saying, and don't panic. Your bro trusts you, which is extremely difficult for him to do. You can also access our COMBO document to get you and your bro ready.
Aroha (love) and avoid judgement. - Questions like "why didn't you stop it," "why did this happen?", "why aren't you over it" aren't helpful. This will only create more harm. What is helpful, however, is to listen to what he says. The bros told us that sometimes telling someone first can be enough for them in the short term before they consider what their next move is.
Validate you hear them and offer support. Let him know that he is not alone. Ask how you can support him. There are some free services available in Aotearoa. Contact us for more information.
Integrity / know your limits. Helping the bros deal with the damage caused by sexual abuse is a skilled role best left for people that specialize in this area. However, you can be a great support person.
This approach is called RAVI, which means "light" in Sanskrit. You can download a document to help you here.

Q2 - Do I let someone know what happened?

We care for the bro and want them to get help, but you can't force this. Our bros have had their struggles, and forcing them to get help could worsen things. We need to be supportive and respectful of what they need. What you could do is recommend this website. Let them know it's confidential and private. Don't be surprised if they freak out or get defensive. It's a normal response.

There are also support services available from different parts of New Zealand. If they want to join a support group, contact us, and we will do our best to find an appropriate service in their area. Alternatively, they can directly contact ACC. They can provide free counselling for people who have been sexually abused (conditions apply); click here.

Q3 - How long will this take for him to recover?

There is no timetable for how long a person will heal. We know that the right kind of support can help him get ahead. We have provided national helplines and counselling services that have trained professionals. They are there to support people with challenges. You could get familiar with what's available by tapping here.

Q4 - Is there an organisation that supports people who know someone sexually abused?

Yes, a specific service can help support people working with a bro to recover. You can request the gender of the counselor, and it's free to call. Call Safe to Talk on 0800 044 334. Let the bros know they can also ring them as well.