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For us "The Bros"

2 min read

Kia ora and Kia Orana


This page is for us, the bros who have been sexually abused growing up. Let's be real, talking about this stuff can be hard and can make us feel like shit. Some of us don't know where to go or what to do. We got you. Start at this page and get an idea of the top 4 questions that the bros asked us to answer. You can also watch videos that have good information about what else you might need. Go at your pace and contact us if you want to kōrero.

We can find a way forward with knowledge and support. 


Q1 - Why me?

This is a very normal question to ask and there is no straight forward answer as to why you were specifically targeted.  It's important for you to know that sexual abuse is always the responsibility of the person that caused it NOT you. People that sexually harm children have their own motivations and are extremely resourceful in finding opportunities to isolate their target. 


They can make us think it's our fault, "put the blame on you" as a way of denying responsibility for their actions. Creating an environment to get your life back on track is possible. Have a  kōrero  with us or let someone you trust know what happened when you're ready.

Q2 - How do I let someone know what happened?

We asked some bros about the types of people they had talked to when they discussed what happened to them. What was really important was that  you could trust that person. How you do this is up to you. If you want contact us to chat about how this could be done.


We have also set up a page for your support crew and community organisations to help them understand what they could do. If there are other things that you want to deal with first, sweet as! Click on Free Helplines in NZ. Most of the services are confidential and there free if you live  in Aotearoa.

Q3 - Where can I get help?

There are support services available from different parts of New Zealand. Try our CALI approach first and if you want to join a support group contact us and we will do our best to find an appropriate service in your area. If you prefer you can directly contact, ACC  they can provide free counselling for people who have been sexually abused (conditions apply) click here.

There is also  Safe to Talk on 0800 044 334. They can support you and your support crew with medical, emotional, and behavioural issues related to harmful experiences. You can request the gender of the counselor and its free to call. You can also try Victim Support. Click on this link for information about what they offer in Samoan and this link for Tongan.

Q4 - Will people I ring on the helplines or counselling services judge me?

The helplines and counselling services that we have listed have people who are trained professionals. They are there to support you with your challenges. If you feel you are not respected make a complaint. We can help you with that.  Remember, you are entitled by law to have health and disability services give you the best care.


Watch this video from the Health and Disability Commission to understand your rights and click on this link to download a pamphlet which you can print out and take with you. Otherwise contact us and we might be able to support your concerns.