StandingTallNZ.org
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For us "The Bros"
2 min read
Kia ora and Kia Orana
This page is for us, the bros who have been sexually abused growing up. Let's be real, talking about this stuff can be hard and can make us feel like shit. Some of us don't know where to go or what to do. We got you. Start at this page and get an idea of the top 4 questions that the bros asked us to answer. You can also watch videos that have good information about what else you might need. Go at your pace and contact us if you want to kōrero.
Man looking down at ground contemplating
Man looking - Side profile
Man sitting down with side profile looking into the distance
Man looking down at ground contemplating
We can find a way forward with knowledge and support.
TOP 4 QUESTIONS
Q1 - Why me?
This is a very normal question to ask, and there is no straightforward answer as to why you were specifically targeted. People that sexually harm children have their motivations and are extremely resourceful in finding opportunities to isolate their target. You need to know that sexual abuse and violence is always the responsibility of the person that caused it, NOT you.
They can make us think it's our fault, "blame you" as a way of denying responsibility for their actions. Creating an environment to get your life back on track is possible. Have a kōrero with us or let someone you trust know what happened when you're ready. You can also access our COMBO document to get you and your support ready.
Q2 - How do I let someone know what happened?
We asked some bros about the types of people they had talked to when they discussed what happened to them. What was important was that you could trust that person. How you do this is up to you. If you want, contact us to chat about how this could be done.
We have also set up a page for your support crew and community organisations to help them understand what they could do. If there are other things that you want to deal with first, sweet as! Click on Free Helplines in NZ. Most of the services are confidential and free if you live in Aotearoa.
Q3 - Where can I get help?
We can provide counselling for you (terms apply) and you maybe able to access ACC click here to contact us.
You can also try our CALI approach, and if you want to join a support group, contact us, and we will do our best to find an appropriate service in your area.
There is also Safe to Talk on 0800 044 334. They can support you and your support crew with medical, emotional, and behavioural issues related to harmful experiences. You can request the gender of the Counsellor, and it's free to call. You can also try Victim Support. Click on this link for information about what they offer in Samoan and this link for Tongan.
Q4 - Will people I ring on the helplines or counselling services judge me?
Remember, you are entitled by law to have health and disability services give you the best care. The helplines and counselling services that we have listed have trained professionals. They are there to support you with your challenges.
If you feel you are not respected, make a complaint. We can help you with that. You can also read this Health and Disability Commission pamphlet to understand your rights when accessing services and you can also reach out to the Health & Disability Commission.